Why I`ve Been Away and That Other 'F' Word

  Some of it may have been laziness........ 

But mainly it`s been having to sort a lot out here. I had to leave my job last October because I was no longer able to handle the pain it was causing me, after trying my very hardest to keep telling myself, "chin up, keep on fighting it, maybe it will all go away, don`t be a wimp." It never did and I have to say that those last two years were worse than labor pains. It literally felt like my whole upper body was ready to blow apart and spatter everyone around me. And believe me when I say that sometimes I wished it would, just to get it over with.  But I kept telling myself, "be thankful that you have a job Tea, there are many out there that don`t." Didn`t seem to make much difference in the end though. After popping 2 tylenol 3`s with codene each day, and nothing changing, I knew something was seriously wrong. 
So there I was and the  diagnosis....a word I`ve come to despise, Fibromyalgia. 

A woman staring at an endless nothing. Painted in 1901, part of Picasso's 'Blue Period', a very dark and sad time in the artist's life. 

The  doctor had me on anti-depressants due to my being so upset and terrified at not being able to go back to work, regardless of never liking the job anyway. As I said, it was a job. Then she wrote another prescription for the pain and when I got home with it and actually saw the name, it went right in the garbage! Oxy is what she had given me and having seen people`s lives ruined where I worked, as well as my kids telling me stories about people they knew getting on that stuff, I did not want to get myself hooked on it, regardless of what pain I had.  

My doctor sent me off to a specialist, an older solemn man in an expensive suit with a swank office, with no smile to greet me. A little intimidating  He pronounced "Chronic pain" which he says is the same thing really as that OTHER word. "What to do?" asked I. "Learn to live with it" said he.


After being on the anti depressants for 3 months I weaned myself off because they really are not a good thing to be on and I`d read much about them and was afraid that someday they may make dementia set in when I was older. As a person who believes in natural cures over Big Pharma and their greed, I didn`t want to take them anymore.

 I have to add though that we truly are lucky for some of the medicines they pop out, for the heart etc. But I was shocked at the forums of people tragically hooked on these and not able to get off them. There was even a whole web site entitled "Get Off Cymbalta!!" Luckily because I wasn`t on them long enough, it was a little easier weaning myself.

I do tend to baby my hot water bottle at times but with physiotherapy once in awhile, stretching and resting when I need to, and not have to stand in the freezing cold on a wet floor for 8 hours, I am able to manage. It`s a strange thing to have, but luckily or sometimes not, is one of those things that one doesn`t have to show that one has and can get on with 
it. I also have had tremendous support and understanding from my husband.


After too much feeling depressed and hopeless, I decided to answer an add for some freelance writing, marketing, tourism etc. which is on-going every week. And knew also that it was up to me to change the way I was feeling and so came about a Web Site I named "Change It Outloud" The name may seem strange but it has a very personal meaning to me and is having an amazingly good start. I decided to add another blog by the same name with not much on it really, but that has a link to my web site http://www.changeitoutloud.ca/ .


  "Thank you God, for finding a way where I thought there was none." :)


So that is my story and I continue to hate hate hate that 'F' word because although it sucks massively, not every day is totally unbearable and  it`s a label and I don`t want a label.


Not the nicest post I`m afraid and for anyone else out there that has this happening to them , pray a lot, try to stay positive and find something that inspires you.


Blogger is being difficult, so excuse the way the writing is 
posted.The majority of this posting has ended up being very squashed and leaving no room at all between the lines.

I`m giving up trying to make it look right! LOL!

I shall try to post at least a bit more than I have been!


Life is truly good :)


Tea
xo